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DAAD Undergraduate Profile: Matthew Linden |
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Thinking that I could probably express and communicate my year to family and friends better through a video than just a photo album or a bunch of disconnected anecdotes, I spent weeks on a video – a video that broke down and encapsulated my entire year in Tübingen and all the highs and lows that went with it. That’s the hardest thing for all of us who studied abroad about coming back to the States: no one who stayed here understands. No matter how many pictures I show, no matter how many stories I tell, no matter how many videos I make, I will never be able to communicate everything that the year was and everything that it meant to me.
I packed up my entire life into a few suitcases and flew across an ocean with no idea where I was going or what I would be doing; but soon I had made new foreign friends and eventually mastered a new language (and a new dialect); I rode the train to neighboring towns and watched the countryside float by; I bought fresh fruits and vegetables at the outdoor market in the shadows of half-timbered, cheerfully sagging, and brightly colored houses; I spent warm summer evenings in the outdoor beer garden, sipping cool amber ale and gazing out at a fiery orange setting sun that seemed to ignite the red-roofed villages in the foreground; I completed my coursework and attended classes in a foreign language at a strange university; I learned to love my new but no longer foreign surroundings; and yes, it’s been fearful and sad returning from my year abroad. I gave up an entire year at my home university, a year with all my friends, hoping for an adventure – and I got one. But I never expected that everything would change so drastically in my absence. Moreover, I never thought about what it would be like to leave my new life in Germany behind. Now it’s over. And no one knows what I’ve lost except me.
There is sadness, yes. But there is no regret. I would do it again without hesitation. You see, that is the beauty of this last year. Though I cannot communicate my experience in its totality to anyone, it is wholly mine. The fact that no one but me can truly appreciate it just makes it that much more special, that much more worth preserving any way that I can.
I am already working on plans to return to Germany indefinitely. I don’t know how long I’ll stay – five years, ten years, twenty years. But it would be impossible not to go back for at least a while. Now that I’ve tasted it, now that I’ve learned how to build a life there – and more importantly, how to enjoy it – I can’t just stay here in the States forever. I feel as though my life is split between two continents, and even though it’s hard sometimes, it’s something that is so unique that I can’t help but enjoy every minute of it.
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